by Mary Lois Sanders & Sarah Nell Summers
Weaving Description into Your Scene Organically, i.e., no info dumping!
First, what do we mean by ‘organically’? Simply put, the descriptors are not a list lumped together, but details woven into the body of the narrative. This weaving should be seamless for the reader, too. Information he needs to know, that comes as he needs it.
This difference between ‘info dump’ vs. ‘weaving’ is critical. An ‘info dump’ stops the plot and forward flow of your story and can be quite boring. Never give your reader an excuse to put the book down.
Examples:
- Sue Grafton: A is for Alibi – does both, but the ‘info dumps’ become part of the characterization of the detective at work as she summarizes what she has discovered about the case and writes these facts in her journal;
- Colin Dexter: The Morse Mysteries – characters do “info dump” as they talk clues and info to solve the mystery.
Weaving Character Descriptions: How much and who/what gets it
So who gets the most? The Main Character, obviously, and somewhere, needs description. But rather than do the old “blonde, blue-eyed and statuesque” route, show us over time. For example:
If your MC is a short woman, don’t tell us. Instead, show us her surroundings from her perspective – the room is big and the cabinets are too high. Perhaps she can’t reach the back of the first shelf? But don’t overdo this. Once or twice is enough for the readers to get the picture.
But what about other characters? One who appears in one scene and disappears doesn’t need description, unless this is important to time/place/atmosphere/creepiness. Think of a plumber walking across the pristine kitchen of an obsessive compulsive housewife.
Creating the Ambiance of your scene:
What do you expect to smell, see, hear, taste and feel when you step into a house, mansion, office building, saloon, murder scene, etc? Don’t forget ANY of the senses! Examples:
- Smells: Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood … the blood; William Inge’s play Picnic … man smell; Dickens’ Oliver Twist … workhouse, streets of London, Mr. Brownlow’s house; William Faulkner’s Barn Burning … smell of fire is the trigger for anger and fear.
- Sights: William Faulkner’s short story “The Near and the Far”, shows two perspectives. The conductor of a train sees two women waving from a house as the train passes. He envisions a house full of loving feelings between a mother and daughter. But when he visits the house, he hears bickering and harsh words. The sight from afar, was different from that from nearby.
- Sounds: Pearl S. Buck’s The Good Earth … locusts coming over the hill – the noise is deafening, so much so that the farmers must shout to be heard.
- Feel of a place: Louis L’Amour’s Radigan … a woman from Texas never realized how cold it could get in New Mexico. Size of a room … MC can stride across the room in three steps – describes a small room. Oliver Twist can’t see the judge in the court room because of the tall railing that blocks his view, etc.
- Seasons: How do we know what time of the year or day it is? Let us see heat waves shimmering from the pavement; hear cicadas buzzing in the trees; feel the bite of the cold north wind; enjoy the smell of damp spring earth as new grass grows .
- Textures: Touch is important – a man fingers his tweeds; a woman gathers her silk nightgown around her; a bug on a light switch in a dark room elicits screams; touch of a kind hand gentles a hurting soul.
- All of the above: Read children’s lit for this: Raoul Dahl; Jane Yolen, Shell Silverstein, Maurice Sendak, Judy Blume, ad infinitum. These will show you quickly and vividly how to work the senses into your writing.
In closing, your genre may dictate the style of your writing, but the details breathe life into it.
Sarah Nell Summers, PhD in Cross Disciplinary Fine Arts, is the author of many academic articles for music and educational ethics, and a freelance editor. She taught for many years at the undergraduate and graduate levels in three colleges and universities and retired to Florida and said, “Now what?” I said, “You’re an experienced editor. Start editing, like I do.” The rest is history! Sarah loves travel, music, reading cozy mysteries, good conversation, Mexican Train, and working crossword puzzles.
