How to Manage Criticism

What writer hasn’t been stung by a critique? Sure it hurts, but criticism’s power to poison isn’t a given. The poison isn’t inherent in what is said, who says it, where or when it happens, or how it’s delivered.

The  power of criticism to damage lies in how we take it in, what we allow it to mean to us, and the way we allow it to affect our work or eat away at our insides.

When we automatically reject criticism, we may lose out on receiving important information to help us grow as writers. Allowing criticism to simmer inside or tormenting ourselves by replaying hurtful words in our minds and imagining responses sure doesn’t help us grow either. Responding to criticism with anger strains relationships with loved ones, fellow writers, and publishing industry professionals

Worst of all is when we allow ourselves to feel diminished or broken by criticism. Then we’re letting someone dictate how we’ll live our lives and dream our dreams. How sad.

Here are some techniques for managing criticism.

Decide your writing matters.

Your deep conviction that your writing matters — really, really matters — will be your suit of armor and protect you from all obstacles, including the sting of criticism. The famous and successful are not immune to the effect of criticism or performance anxiety. They just press forward in spite of it.

Be ready and willing.

A work in early draft may be too frail and tender for criticism (and so may you). Sometimes writers show their work early because they’re craving encouragement and praise.  Be honest with yourself and others about what you’re looking for when you ask people to respond to your work. Don’t invite feedback unless you’re truly ready to hear and be open to criticism.

Be calm, cool, and collected.

For most of us, receiving criticism stirs up strong emotions. It can feel like a personal attack. Unchecked, your emotions may rise to anger or defensiveness that will negatively affect your ability to receive and process information. Become aware of the physical signs that indicate you’re becoming anxious or upset and practice relaxation responses such as deep breathing to stay in control in the face of criticism.

Separate the criticism from the person who delivered it, from their tone of voice, and every other emotional context or perception. Separate the criticism from your emotional response to it.

Manage your self-talk.

Being able to rigorously critique your own work is an essential part of the writing process, but you may become discouraged when what you’re producing doesn’t match your ideal. Anxiety generated by your own high expectations can be helpful because it encourages you to recognize work beneath your standard and revise it.

The inner critic is only dysfunctional when it can’t make the shift from fault-finding, or it makes you feel too bad to continue working. Make it your practice to dispute self-sabotaging thoughts by substituting new, useful thoughts.

Put some distance between receiving and responding.

Often, writers have one of two immediate reactions to feedback. They rush in to make changes in their work to “fix the problem” or they react angrily or defensively and automatically discard the validity of the critique. Neither reaction is helpful.

Instead of responding immediately, put the feedback and your writing away for a few days or a week or so.

Allow your emotional response to the critique to subside. Then ask for clarifications if necessary. Put some time and space between receiving the feedback and how and if you act on it, and you’ll be able to respond more objectively and thoughtfully.

Evaluate, don’t react.

It’s common, and perfectly human, to consider all the reasons a critique might be wrong, and of course, not all feedback is useful.

But it might also be right on the mark.

Start with the assumption that there is a nugget of truth in every criticism. Take in the criticism as an offer of help — not an attack. Look for the nuggets of truth and discard the rest. Readers  are often right about where the problems in our work lie, but wrong about how to solve them. Listen, but make your own decisions.

The book belongs to the author.

And yes, sometimes criticisms are just plain unfair and invalid, but probably not as often as we’d like to think.

Look for the nugget.

“It is the nature of the artist to mind excessively what is said about him. Literature is strewn with the wreckage of men who have minded beyond reason the opinions of others.”  —Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

These techniques are not easy. They require practice. Just remember: criticism can’t hurt you if you truly embrace the notion that the power of criticism to be constructive, destructive, or neutral resides solely inside of you.

A version of this post originally appeared in The Florida Writer, the official magazine of the Florida Writers Association.