Attributions are those cues we give to the reader in order to keep him or her oriented about which of the characters is speaking at any point in a scene. “He said” and “she said” are of course the simplest and most obvious attributions, but they contribute nothing extra to the reader’s perception of what’s happening during the scene. And this is a terrible waste of opportunities for character development, plot advancement, and/or mood creation. There are a number of ways a writer can take advantage of those opportunities while still accomplishing the basic purpose. Here are few thoughts:
Strive to Make Every Line of Dialogue Do Double Duty
At the very least, dialogue should reveal not only what a character says, but how he or she says it. Is it spoken quietly or loudly? Hesitantly or firmly? Angrily or mildly? Fearfully or boldly? Sadly or happily?
Try to Find Alternatives to Adverbs for This Purpose
Tom Swifties” (inspired by the early series of potboiler novels) was a huge fad when I was in college, and in some quarters it continues to this day:
“This tea has too much lemon,” Tom said sourly.
“Put another stick on the fire,” he said woodenly.
Instead, consider replacing “said” with a more descriptive verb such as growled, shouted, cried, muttered, sobbed, whispered, grumbled, whined, protested, explained, observed, declared, etc., etc. There are literally hundreds of possibilities.
Use Dashes, Ellipses [. . .] and Exclamation Points Sparingly
Although I’m personally rather fond of these (some editors would say too fond), I have learned to limit myself to no more than one or two per page. They are strong indicators of vocal mannerism and overuse tends to water down the effect — as well as making the text troublesome to scan.
An Action Can Often Take the Place of an Attribution
Billy shrugged. “I guess so.”
Martha lowered her eyes. “Do you really think so?”
Not only does no one need to be told who’s speaking, but the combination of the character’s words and his or her action tells us how the words are said as well. “He said” and “she asked” aren’t needed, nor are “doubtfully” and “shyly.” Inserting these extra words only suggests the writer doesn’t trust the reader.
When it Comes to Attributions, Less is Usually More
In the case of a true “dialogue” (only two speakers), there’s no real need for any after the first character speaks, except for the purpose of revealing character, mood, and/or plot. Or when something happens to interrupt the conversation. Gratuitously sprinkling “he saids” and “she saids” randomly throughout the scene is both redundant and annoying.
Like everything else I know about writing fiction, I learned all of this from reading the works of masters in the field — especially Louis L’Amour, John D. MacDonald, and (for my money the absolute best at dialogue) Robert B. Parker. I highly recommend all of them — for lots of fun reading as well as for instruction.
Jack Courtney
Great post Lee. I was initially wanting to push back a bit on your first point until I read the remainder of the post. Good examples and techniques. Thanks
Jack
Jim Ramage
Ms. Gramling,
Thank you so much for this very informative posting. Dialogue is without a doubt my Achilles heel. I whole-heartedly agree with you on R.B. Parker. I’ve not read anyone who can compare with his dialogue.
Will
Have to disagree with this: “Instead, consider replacing “said” with a more descriptive verb such as growled, shouted, cried, muttered, sobbed, whispered, grumbled, whined, protested, explained, observed, declared, etc., etc.” There are literally hundreds of possibilities.”
It can get unintentionally comical when the writer constantly reaches for his thesaurus to find substitutes for words such as “said.” The entire reason for an attribution is to attribute, that is, to show the reader who is speaking. It’s not there to carry the weight of plot and character development. The rest of “what’s happening during the scene” should come out of their words and actions, not some tagged on attribution. Words such as “protested, explained, observed, declared,” are especially unnecessary if the writer is really doing his job. The reader should be able to see from what the character is saying and his actions that he is protesting, explaining, observing, declaring without the author supplying this redundancy which talks down to the reader.
Diann Schindler
Adverbs? Nada!
Lee Gramling
See my last point.
Harris Evans
Parker made do with “said” and “asked” in his Spenser books. Don’t know what the people who are writing using his name nowadays are doing. L’Amour is all “said,” an action beat, or nothing, in what I’ve read of his.
Eugene Orlando
You are right on target! Thanks for sharing.
Suzanna
I’ve been telling the members of my writing group this for years. In spite of what the “how to” books tell you, and they always say to just say “said,” I find this boring, and it shows a lack of skill. I like to kill two birds with one stone by inserting some action on the speaker’s part instead of using a traditional tag.
Lee Gramling
Actually, R. B. Parker generally used “said” instead of “asked” even in the case of a question. This is because “said” is largely a semantic “null” and tends to escape notice (unless overused). As such, it has its place. But with my long former experience in the theatre, I can think of nothing more boring than a long exchange between actors who do nothing on stage but simply mouth the words.