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Mirror, Mirror: Describing the Characters

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We all want our novels to be so full of sensual detail that the reader can imagine everything in technicolor. Is there such a thing as too much description? Clearly, every reader’s expectations — and every author’s style — is different, so “too much” is a range, not a point. Nobody has to warn us against purple prose. But is that really too much description, or is it bad description? A typical purple problem is to use an extreme amount of variation in verbs, let’s say, always followed by an adverb. I don’t want to pick on adverbs — they’re great — but every time?? It’s a problem of redundancy. Still, there are other forms of description that can sound clunky, and one of them is a forced description of every character’s appearance in detail. And especially that of the protagonist.

Mirror, Mirror

Now, if you’re using an omniscient narrator, that probably works. But most of us these days use a closer POV. And if you’re in your protagonist’s head, you won’t be viewing her face, will you? I’ve seen authors try a workaround, wherein she just happens to look in a mirror or see a photo of herself. This can work under the proper conditions, but mostly it seems contrived, so much so that it’s a kind of trope of hackneyed writing. (Disclaimer: I’ve done it myself!) How are your readers going to see that protagonist? It becomes easier if you have more than one POV character. The people your protagonist confronts can tell us how others see her, which is important to me as a reader. This is probably the easiest fix.

Little by Little

Another way might be to slip in a clue here or there: “She was always surprised at how much she resembled her late father, with his long nose and sullen mouth.” Or “She didn’t expect attention; she wasn’t the kind who attracted the admiring looks of men.” Or “As usual, he had to look up at his boss.” You get it. There are better examples, I’m sure, but these hints can add up over the course of a book until the protagonist is pretty well described.

Shake It Up

One trait of bad writing is to use the same phrase for every description of the character. Over and over. I remember reading a knockout bestseller (to remain nameless), which was almost comical in this regard and lent itself, alas, to parody. Every time Character X was mentioned, he was evil and scheming. Character Y was sultry. Etc. This is harder to avoid than you might think. We, as the author, have a clear mental picture of our characters. Every time we think of them, the same image comes to mind. But this is where editing plays its part: shake it up a little so those minute-descriptions add up to something larger than its parts. And remember that every character may see his fellows a little differently. One person may find Character X attractive, another may see him as too severe or coarse. These can help vary your descriptions and also give the reader a more developed picture of our friend X.

I hope you find a few useful things to consider here. What do you think?

Follow N.L. Holmes:
N.L. Holmes is the pen name of a real-life archaeologist who writes books set in the Late Bronze Age in Egypt and the Hittite Empire. She grew up in a book-loving family, and as soon as she retired from teaching, she couldn’t wait to turn the events of history into fiction. Field excavation has given her a taste for the little details of ancient life. She lives in France and Florida with her husband and two cats. Website

7 Responses

  1. Shutta Crum
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    Thanks, Niki! I like some of your examples of work-arounds.

  2. Niki Kantzios
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    Thanks, Shutta. I hope it sparked some ideas.

  3. Sharon K Connell
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    Wonderful advice, Niki.

    • Niki Kantzios
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      Thanks so much, Sharon. A writer needs all the tricks she can lay hands on!

  4. Ellen Holder
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    I found many useful things to consider. I now understand more fully what purple prose even means. (You inspired me to dig deeper and I’m now also acquainted with beige prose and blue prose!) The tips you’ve given will make me a better writer. Thanks for sharing your skills.

    • Niki Kantzios
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      Beige and blue? Sounds interesting. I have some research to do!

  5. Elaine Basham
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    It was unlike her to care about her appearance , but suddenly thrust into an auditorium of pageant contestants , she felt shabby and grossly out of place . Still , she was on a mission so she brushed her runaway bangs out of her eyes and walked directly toward the stage straightening her posture as if she were the a Queen herself.

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