Sculpting the Shapely Sentence, Part II: 5 More Techniques

Today’s post takes off from where we left our Sculpting the Shapley Sentence, Part I. We’re going to look at five more techniques that might be used once you’re closing in on final revisions and really want certain sentences/phrases/sections to stick with your readers. Take a look at these quotes and then we’ll discuss what it is that makes them successful.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” — Albert Einstein

“Smaller in number are we, but larger in mind.” — Yoda

“I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.” — Dorothy Parker

“Why the extraneous plant?
Why the taboret?
Why, oh why, the doily?”  — Elizabeth Bishop, The Filling Station

Mr. Praline: “It’s not pining! It’s passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late parrot!! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies! It’s run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible!! This is an EX-PARROT!” — John Cleese, Dead Parrot Sketch, Monty Python

These lines are sculpted using powerful literary devices from the writer’s toolbox. These devices are energetic tools. Top-tip. Blazingly great! (Well, those last three sentences may be a bit of hyperbole using scesis onomaton and hyperbaton. What? You’ll see. Just read on.)

As I noted last month, it’s not necessary to load your writing using these techniques. But beginnings, endings, and points of high intensity are great places to think about how you are going to sculpt a sentence, or two, in a particular way that is striking.

These literary devices are—hands over your ears—rhetorical elements. And, if you’re like me, you’re groaning inside at the term rhetorical. So, I like to call them playful elements. That sounds better. Now, let’s look at five playful elements that the lines above illustrate.

(*Note: here’s the same warning as last month—you don’t have to learn the technical name for these tools. I mean, don’t you call a monkey wrench that thing with adjustable jaws that you yank on other things with, like I do? Whatever you call it, it’s useful for the right job.)

Playful element #1: Hyperbole

Hyperbole is the easiest thing in the world to become proficient at! We’ve done it since we were kids. It’s exaggerating. Einstein’s quote “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe,” is one of my favorite hyperbolic quotes. When using hyperbole, one needs to be aware of the mood, or the intention of the piece. This works fantastically (!) if you’re writing comedy. George Carlin used it to great effect. “The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.”

Playful Element #2: Hyperbaton

Hyperbaton is deliberately using language in an unusual way—either by mixing up the common order of vowels in well-known sayings, like my use of top-tip (above), rather than following convention which predicts an “i” before an “a” or an “o.” Such as in tip-top. Hyperbaton can also be created by mixing up the syntax (How phrases and words are ordered in a sentence.), the way Yoda does a good deal of the time. “No! Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.” The use of this element draws attention to the unusual construction. If you want your reader to stop—pause—consider, then consider using it. One interesting aspect of this is mentioned in Mark Forsyth’s book The Elements of Eloquence. He notes that in English when we describe something we tend to have a certain order to the adjectives. For the most part, we state them as: opinion, size, age, shape, color, origin, material, purpose—and then, noun. Try mixing things up. How does it feel/sound to you? Will it work? A silken, green, Ethiopian, tiny-leafed, good tea. Hmm . . . In this case, I think not.

Playful Element #3: Tricolon

The use of tricolon makes for good speeches. Politicians use them a lot. And it’s a useful technique for humor. For ex.: the Dorothy Parker quote “I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.” A tricolon is a group of three similar phrases, words, clauses or sentences. They are often parallel in their length, rhythm, and/or structure—which tends to feel about right when we are invoking comparisons or contrasts. There are literally hundreds of tricolons we use or come across every day. Some common ones: Love, sex, and rock roll. Truth, justice, and the American way. However, to get the most out of your tricolon there are a couple of things you can do. First, you can lengthen the last item in the list to make that one more memorable. Second, you can plant a surprise as the last item, like Dorothy Parker did. Or, as in It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Superman! Doing both things—lengthening and creating surprise, does double-duty and will make you a great speechwriter, a good comic, or somebody with just too much time on her hands.

Playful Element #4: Scesis Onomaton (A):

There is more than one type of scesis onomaton. Here we’re going to look at two ways it is used. Arbitrarily, I’ve assigned two of the definitions as a type A and a type B.

Type A:  A scesis onomaton can simply be a sentence without a verb. I know, I know. We’ve all been taught that when we write we should use complete sentences. But there are many times an incomplete sentence conveys more power. And when writing poetry, the wordiness of complete sentences can muck up one’s rhythm. Also, complete sentences are often not needed to understand what is going on. A good example of Type A is the Elizabeth Bishop lines from her poem Filling Station (above). This is also a useful technique in prose. Look at the opening of Charles Dickens’ Bleak House:

London. Michaelmas Term lately over, and the Lord Chancellor sitting in Lincoln’s Inn Hall. Implacable November weather. As much mud in the streets as if the waters had but newly retired from the face of the earth . . .

What a bleak opening, and not a complete sentence in sight. Moody and perfect.

Playful Element #5: Scesis Onomaton (B):

Type B:  A scesis onomaton also can be a series of synonyms. Obviously used for emphasis, highlighting, alerting, and drawing attention to. John Cleese’s portrayal of the man who wants to return a dead parrot to the pet shop is classic and used to great comic success by Monty Python. However, it can also be used to evoke other moods. Here’s a line spoken by Gary Oldman in The Dark Knight: “He’s a Silent Guardian, a Watchful Protector, a Dark Knight.” And here’s one from Deuteronomy 20:3: “Let not your hearts be faint, fear not, and do not tremble, neither be ye terrified . . . ” Is there some place in your current project where tripling down (or going further) on the emphasis would enhance the mood?

Why Use These Techniques?

The techniques I discussed ln my previous post ), and these today, add emphasis, create mood, and highlight the music in our works. They also surprise by comparing, contrasting, and yanking the rug out from under us. (See what I did?) When you’re far into your revisions and you are looking at improving certain lines, give one, or more than one, of them a try.

A Challenge

Go to Shutta’s Rhetorical Elements Quiz and see if you can match up the example to the rhetorical device.

Then, practice a little and see which tools work best for you. Otherwise, you might end up using a monkey wrench when you should be using a torque wrench …Or, as I like to call it: that long metal thing that tightens stuff.