Mind Your Own Business! or Maintaining the POV

Once upon a time, it was common for books to be written in an omniscient third-person voice. A disembodied and all-seeing narrator told you the story, gentle reader, and he knew what every character was thinking and how they looked as well. Increasingly, though, readers seem to want the in-head experience of close third-person. One character carries them around through the action of the novel, and they see the world and other characters though her eyes. She can report her own inner thoughts and feelings, but not those of others. She can tell you what other people look like, but not (except through some tricky devices) herself.

As a reader, I find close third-person to be satisfying on many levels. It often comes across as more intimate than first person, because it seems less guarded. And it doesn’t preclude getting other characters’ viewpoint, because the POV personage can change (please signal to the reader when this happens!). CTP only means that at any one time, only one character is looking out upon the world with you inside her.

But it’s harder than it looks to maintain this single POV strictly. Let’s consider some ways in which the author may betray his single viewpoint almost without noticing.

No Mind-Reading Allowed

There’s the first rule. Joe can’t know what Jane is thinking. If they’re friends of long date, he may be able to guess, but there’s no guarantee he’s right.

Assume that each of these examples is observed from Joe’s POV and see what’s presumptuous about each:

Joe was delighted, and so was Jane.
Jane appeared in the doorway when she heard Joe’s voice.
Joe hugged Winnie, and from behind him, Jane smiled too.

These are all scenarios that an omnipotent third-peron voice permits to happen. But if we’re in Joe’s head, we’re presented with the following problems:

Joe knows he’s delighted, but he can’t know that Jane is. He can only see that she’s smiling and clapping her hands — external gestures.

Joe can’t know why Jane appeared. Is it because she heard his voice or because she had finished making dinner or …?

Joe can’t see behind his own shoulder to know that Jane is smiling. He can hear her laugh or say something, but he can’t see her unless he’s an extraordinarily gifted fellow.

Mirror, Mirror

Another mistake that’s easy to fall into is the mirror effect. Joe can’t see his own face under normal conditions. So the following statements can’t be made in close third-person voice from his POV:

Joe’s face grew crimson.
Joe smiled and his irresistible dimples flashed.

We can know from within Joe’s head that his face grows hot, or that he feels overwhelmed by shame. But we can’t know what color he becomes because he can’t know. He can’t see his own face.

For the same reason, he can’t tell us about his dimples because he can’t see them. If you want to say something about them, better make Jane reflect the knowledge.

Joe smiled. Jane said, “I’d forgotten you had dimples.”

There are gross examples of jumping into another person’s head, and there are subtler ones. Just be conscious of the danger, and you’ll come out fine. And to be sure, send it past an editor. It’s always easier to spot someone else’s lapses than your own!