Tame Your Pet Words

I was mortified. After the editor accepted my short story “Casey,” in oxblood she highlighted an entire menagerie of unwanted editorial pets—words, phrases, and grammatical constructions. These favorites may be more subtle than the common ones we’ve all read about and probably used, like passive tenses and overloaded adverbs.

Now I blushingly open the barn door for you and let loose my top four pet words and phrases so you can tame your own from “Stay” to “Delete.”

And or But

And do you start a sentence with a conjunction? But I’d always thought this pet conveyed a gracious transition. In the first twelve pages, my editor circled seven instances. Here are three:

• And Clive has a lot of friends, he’s good at sports.
• And he’s so smart. I just wish some of it could rub off on Casey.
• But when he was blessed enough to pass her in the hall between classes, he peeked at her chest.

And I could go on.

The Fix:  The conjunctions aren’t needed to make these points. My editor added, not unreasonably, that occasional use of a conjunction is fine. But too much is too much. And I had to admit she was right.

Now and Then

These conjunctions may seem to add to the flow, which accounts for their elevation to pethood. My editor, though, highlighted without mercy.

• He’d finished the vegetables and fruit and now headed for Aisle 9, Pet Supplies.
• But she saw now she might not be able to avoid going.
• He could hardly see now, his head hurt so much.

The Fix: If you mentally delete the “nows” above you’ll see they’re usually unnecessary. When I searched and destroyed, I found twenty-two(!) instances and reluctantly shooed them out to pasture.

Then there’s “then.” Like “now,” “then” seems to give just the right hint of time passing. This pet, though, clung persistently to my manuscript, especially to start sentences:

• But then the picture pulled him.
• Then, carefully avoiding his paw, she tucked her special blanket around him.
• Then she heard three more hiccoughs.

The Fix: I ferreted out twenty-eight of these rascals. Simple deletion tightened the writing and accelerated the action.

The Verb with the Ing Tail

This pet, seemingly so innocent, sidles up and settles because of its mellifluous and possibly logical sound and sense. In pedigreed grammatical circles, it’s called the “past continuous” with the gerund verb form. The phrases should make our editorial guard dogs yowl:

• Casey’s father was finishing his coffee.
• Binky was sitting on his hind paws on her bed.

Once you’re addicted to this construction, it can rule you. But (or And or Then) I couldn’t stop myself from a variation:

• The baby kept rasping and gulping.
• Clive’s blood kept seeping out, forming a pool on the cement floor.

I combed the manuscript and nailed thirteen embarrassments of “was/kept -ings.”

The Fix:  Rarely does this form add anything in narrative or tone. When you substitute the simple past (“finished,” “sat,” “rasped”), nothing is lost. “Was” and “kept” aren’t inherently bad words, but with substitution or deletion of the simple pasts, you gain directness, conciseness, and forward movement.

Same-Start Paragraphs

Despite unremitting revisions, the pet of starting consecutive paragraphs with the same word may sprawl lazily across your pages. I checked all thirty-five pages and found fourteen sluggish reps:

• Casey felt his cheeks grow hot. He wasn’t slacking off, like some of the boys in the back who were supposed to unload the cartons off the truck.
• Casey jogged over to Aisle 15, Baby Needs, and found, blocking the aisle, two carts stacked higher than the dog food.

The Fix: Varying your openings demands innovative retraining and revision. For example, after cajoling myself with special treats, I revised the second example above:

“’Fifteen,’ Casey repeated silently. ‘Baby Needs.’” He jogged over to start unloading.

Discipline Your Pet Words

None of these pet words and phrases alone is willfully ungrammatical, illiterate, or unruly. It’s the overuse that needs a firmer hand and pen. Of all these pets, and others I kept finding (oops), I retained a few in the revised draft that enhanced the meaning, and I sent off the final draft. I’m glad to report that my editor patted me on the head.

Pets can be wonderful, snuggling with you on the sofa, romping with the kids, snoring at your feet. But you shouldn’t let them run wild and trample all over your manuscript.

When you practice the taming tips here, you’ll assert your dominance as the pack leader and train your pet words and phrases. Your pets will behave better, obey on command, and loyally play their parts in giving your readers the pleasure and power of your words.