Paring Down Paragraphs: Seven Tips for Paragraph-Level Revision

You’ve reread that first draft and are confronted with the reality that most writers have at this point: your paragraphs are bulky. What can you do to shape up your work? Here are seven tips to help you trim down at the paragraph level:

1. Essential Information

When drafting, there is a tendency to overwrite. You are thinking through your story and figuring things out, often including extras you don’t need in the final story. How can you tell if something is extra or not? Ask yourself:

• Does it move the plot forward?
• Does it reveal character?
• Is it necessary for the setting?
• Is it integral to the theme?

If you answered no to all these, time to cut. Don’t be so attached to something you’ve written that you refuse to take it out. It may be fun or beautiful but if it doesn’t serve your story the right way, it needs to go.

2. Vary Sentence Structure

Another way to clean up your paragraphs is to take a look at the types of sentences you have. Variety keeps the reader interested. If you have a paragraph full of long sentences, figure out how you can trim some of those down. Short sentences are also a way to get reader attention. They work.

Draft Version

Jumping through the tangled twist of vines, he found himself sinking quickly in a huge pool of quicksand. He kicked his legs and yelled for help while searching his surroundings for anything that could help him get out. As he reached for a nearby branch, the leaves parted and a jaguar growled loudly and sunk down, ready to leap forward. (word count 60)

Revised version

He leapt through the tangled vines and landed on soft ground. Too soft. He sank down to his knees. Before the quicksand swallowed him entirely, he grabbed a nearby branch. A vicious growl shook the trees. The leaves parted. A jaguar slunk down on his haunches. (word count 46)

3. Summary Sentences

One key thing to remember is the reader can infer. You don’t always need to be direct. Summary sentences are those that sum up what was just shown to the reader. The writer really wants to make sure the reader gets it, not realizing they already do.

Maddux bolted across the room and shoved his head under my feet. With each crash of thunder he jumped. Tiny, desperate whimpers streamed from his mouth. It was storming and he was scared.

The last sentence is unnecessary because it was already shown and the reader knows.

4. Trimming Visual Description

More isn’t always better. This is often the case with visual description. A few telling details show much more than a full paragraph of general information. Hone your description down to what is interesting and what matters. Readers will build their own visuals and don’t need as much hand-feeding as you may think.

General description

Shelves filled with books covered three of the walls. An old picture hung on the other. Morning sun filtered through a floor-to-ceiling window behind a massive oak desk. An antique globe stood in one corner and a grandfather clock in the other. A red and cream oriental rug took up most of the floor. (word count 54)

This is a general office setting — so general it could by anyone’s office. Cutting it down and focusing on details essential to the character gives a much better insight.

Telling details description

A massive oak desk occupied the room, the wood worn down in places from many elbows over many decades. The only picture hanging behind it, a framed portrait of his father. Books filled the shelves, all coated with a layer of dust except one —The Little Prince. (word count 46)

5. Past Perfect “Had”

One bad habit that clutters paragraphs is to overuse the word “had” when writing a flashback or previous event in the past tense — the past tense in the past tense. For example,

Minerva slammed on the breaks. The pedestrian tapped his phone, completely unaware. They were both lucky this time. Last winter she had lost control of her Honda Odyssey and had swerved through an intersection. She had skidded onto the sidewalk and…

That’s a lot of “had.” When writing the past perfect, you usually only need to include the first had. The rest are implied. The reader knows it’s a flashback.

…They were both lucky this time. Last winter she had lost control of her Honda Odyssey and swerved through an intersection. She skidded onto the sidewalk and…

6. Tightening Dialogue

Dialogue should be crisp, every word examined carefully to ensure there is no fluff. It must move the plot forward or reveal character. If it doesn’t, cut it. Here are some places to trim back:

• Greetings and routines: Skip the Good morning and How are you as well as other routine parts of conversation. They aren’t interesting and aren’t needed to move the plot forward.
• Something the character already knows: If the character in your scene knows the date or what happened at the movies or whatever else, don’t put it in the dialogue just for it to be repeated to the reader. It makes the conversation inorganic.
• Reconveying an event: Likewise, if one character needs to sum up an event to bring another character up to speed, you don’t need to state everything that happened in the dialogue. Put in a narrative line like Sam told her what happened at the movies instead.
• Speaker tags: This is another area to remember the reader can infer. You don’t need a speaker tag with every line, especially if there is a character action after a line of dialogue. (“I don’t care what your mother thinks.” Sam slammed the book on the table.) Study the speaker tags in some of your favorite recently published books to get an idea of when they are used and how often.

7. Cartoonish Characters

This is what happens when too many character reactions are in a scene. He/She becomes a silly, exaggerated version of themselves, especially when those reactions are extreme. For example:

Mariella slammed her fists on her hips. “You told me you would be home six hours ago,” she yelled.

“I tried to call,” Tom said.

Mariella tapped her foot. “I didn’t have any missed calls,” she huffed.

“Maybe your phone isn’t working.”

Mariella clenched her teeth and stomped over to him. “You’re lying!” she screamed. Her heart hammered in her chest and her cheeks were red with rage.

Let’s be honest. Mariella is pretty annoying here. Cut back the character reactions to make her more realistic.

Hopefully these tips help you pare down your paragraphs and focus on content that really propels your story forward. These are all suggestions and not hard and fast rules of what not to write. You are the master of your story…now master it!